Hair

The Effort, the Beauty, the Contradiction

A seemingly innocuous exchange in my household:

“Honey, could you empty the dishwasher, please?” I ask.

“Oh, sure, Mom,” replies my youngest. “I’ll just finish my hair.”

I let out a big sigh.

You would think that I would be satisfied with my youngest daughter’s reply. It sounds like she’s being reasonable. Pleasant. Even eager to appear agreeable.

But the proof is in the qualifier. The phrase “just finish my hair” in most households translates roughly as “just a few minutes.” Alas, in my house, it could mean an hour and a half. (Picture the line-up outside the bathroom door in some iconic episode of the Brady Bunch.) Preoccupation with hair can cause delays not only in freeing up the bathroom but in getting chores done or getting to school on time.

I only have myself to blame. Okay, her father can take credit for giving my youngest daughter her flowing crown of glory. Me, I have run-of-the-mill brown, thin hair that I can never grow beyond my shoulders. And do something with it? I run a brush through it, and that’s about all the taming it will accept.

Which explains, in part, why I’ve encouraged my daughters to grow their beautiful hair long despite the trouble: I LOVE beautiful long hair. (Perhaps it tugs at my heart because it’s an original archetype? Think Botticelli’s Birth of Venus.)

It all started back when my youngest was a wee one, and the hair started coming in fast. I didn’t have the heart to cut it, but it was so thick and curly that it didn’t flow neatly down her back. Instead, it sprung out from her head, not quite like an afro but almost. The sheer volume startled everyone who saw her the first time. It looked like a massive helmet perched at the top of her little two-year-old frame. One of my neighbours laughed, saying “Any moment now that girl’s going to tip over from the weight.”

If you’re thinking of allowing your child’s hair to grow long, be warned: the benefits may not outweigh the work involved. Keeping a girl’s hair long can be a huge challenge before they learn to brush it themselves. With my older daughter we kept the tangles somewhat in check by keeping her long hair in braids—long beautiful braids they were, too. In Grade 4, a teacher gave her the nickname Pippi Longstocking, who was my daughter’s favourite fictional character at the time, and to whom she bore a striking resemblance, especially on the Halloween when we dressed her up as Pippi and wove her long hair along an extended coat hanger so that her braids stuck straight out. Brilliantly original, I must say.

My youngest daughter did not take so kindly to braids. So at times the tangles would go unchecked. And with curly dense hair, the challenge of keeping it from matting is enormous. In fact, just remembering the HOURS I spent detangling her hair makes me feel a little more sympathy for the hours she now spends in front of a mirror. When you have hair down to your waist, it takes time, dedication,… commitment. Though she does more than just detangle: she dries, she straightens, she pins it up, she takes it down, she sprays, she fusses. It’s exhausting just thinking about the time involved.

As a result of her efforts, though, my daughter emerges from her boudoir looking like her idol, Lana del Rey. Except with longer hair.

Some time, I’m sure my daughter will transfer all that focus and energy to more practical pursuits.

In the meantime, I bought her a “professional” ceramic styling brush last night. She was delighted and spent at least an hour in the bathroom testing it out. Apparently it works beautifully.

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by marnigirl on April 2013  •  Permalink
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Entering the Jungle

The Big Transition from Elementary to High School

If you’re lucky, they don’t turn into hoodlums or druggies. Okay, I exaggerate. But it is with some trepidation that you should anticipate the changes that happen to your sweet, young child when he or she makes the big leap from grade school to high school. Much like Dr. Frankenstein, you might be saying, “Sweet Lucy! What is this mad creature of my own creation? What have I done?!”

Yes, there is the good side from a parent’s perspective. Actually a pretty good side. High school demands that teens take more responsibility for keeping track of their homework—and doing it. Teens dress themselves in the morning. And nevermore do you have to drive them to school (if you were) or make their lunches (if you hadn’t given that up already) or do their laundry (that’s a lie: I still do her laundry). (Confession: I actually had/have a hard time giving that stuff up. It’s what I do! You know—the part about looking after the physical needs of your child—it just comes naturally, and it’s oh-so-hard to give up.)

Is there a good side from your child’s perspective? If yours is anything like mine, then absolutely. Going to high school can be liberating. In my day (granted, a different era) high school was h—. But I was not the social animal my younger daughter is today. When I asked her about what she liked best about going to high school, she answered with no hesitation: the friends.

From the limitations of a social circle of 17 or so students in her Grade Eight class, my younger daughter has stepped into a social smorgasbord. She takes delight in having a wide variety of friends, from different elementary schools, different backgrounds, different ethnicities, different maturities, and apparently different senses of humour. She seems to revel in making friends from all quarters; in walking down a school hallway among so much diversity and feeling completely at home.

I delight at her delight in difference. This is the stuff of the Canadian dream, where all our children accept and respect one another’s differences.

So far, so good.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t always stay like that. Kids can easily fall into a bad crowd or a bad way. High school exposes them to good role models but also bad role models. Homework doesn’t get done. You worry about why they’re not home yet. You get calls from the school about skipped classes. You get the eye-rolling drama.

Me, I get plenty of the eye-rolling drama. There must be a trigger buried deep in the DNA sequencing: sane nice kids go to high school and suddenly become infuriatingly smart. They know everything. They definitely know more than you do. It becomes harder and harder to just explain something about the world, for example, the significance of the French Revolution. That’s just so yesterday!

And fashion sense? I know better than to suggest anything, like, say, “Hmm. Maybe you should try wearing those blouses I bought for you in September?” Oh, no. Then the eyelids droop in this expression that conveys utter disgust. Sigh. More wasted money.

As I said at the beginning, I do exaggerate a little. But teenagehood is a whole different world from childhood. You require limitless patience, a different kind of diligence, a little more letting go, and sometimes tough love.

If you have a particularly difficult teen, be brave. I’ve been through the wringer with the elder daughter, and we got through it just fine. She’s now a confident, accomplished young woman. No more eye-rolling! And she listens to me too. What could be more wonderful?

* First published  in the Beach Metro newspaper in February 2013.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on February 2013  •  Permalink
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The Perils and Perks of Teens Taking Transit

It’s happened to you before. You’re taking the subway home one day, and you’re just beginning to zone out, gazing tiredly into middle-space, musing about what to make for dinner.

And then you wake up in a great big hurry, registering HUNDREDS of teenagers pouring into your subway car. Where did they come from?!

As the teens populate the car, the air thickens with chatter and laughter. As they plop themselves down beside you, crack their gum in your ear, and leaning into your personal space, you start to calculate how many subway stops till you get off.

That’s when you spy the teacher using her magic to keep a few rowdies from standing on the seats. The nickel drops, and you breathe a sigh of relief. It’s a school trip! Which means that someone (else) is responsible for keeping the mob in check.

I used to dread meeting teenagers on transit. But those of you who know me a little, are probably guessing that my opinion has shifted over time. And you’d be right. I ask you, should it not be inspiring to cross paths with young people at ease in the public realm?

Most teens do not ride in packs but rather in clusters headed to the mall, or by themselves making their way home from school. Their presence indicates that someone taught them how to use the system, and then gave them the freedom to use it responsibly. And they do. They plan their trips, figure out the bus routes, make sure they have tickets or exact change, watch for their stops. Some will even remember to pack an umbrella. Teens’ sense of independence takes a huge leap when they can get themselves from point (a) to point (b) all on their own.

At first teens might be nervous and make mistakes—for example, my daughter ended up going in totally the wrong direction on one of her first solo trips. She had the good sense to remember that the bus would turn around at the end of the line, so she just stayed on the bus. An excellent 20-minute lesson, if you ask me.

And speaking of lessons, consider the exposure to the real world that a subway ride offers. Transit is the great equalizer. Everybody takes the bus, not just teens humming to music blaring from their headphones while tap-tap-tapping a message out to countless friends. Your teen will see university students, moms bouncing babies, hipster dudes going to the skateboarding park, homeless people, downtown lawyers with their faces buried in the business section, construction workers smelling a tad ripe from a long day of hard work, and seniors heading off to the discount store. Bus fare pays for not just transportation but unparalleled access to a whole cross-section of people from urban society. Your child might even pick up some good manners when someone offers a seat to an elderly passenger, or says “excuse me” when trying to maneuvre through a crowded subway car.

Of course, you’re going to be nervous the first time you send a precious child to ride transit alone. After all, there could be robbers, rapists, and very bad people on the bus! Too true, but we know that many more good people take transit as well, many of whom would jump to help out a youngster who’s lost or in need of help. It’s not a perfect world, for sure, and there are risks. You know your child best, so you and your teen must decide when is the right time, and how much risk you want to take. Would I let my 14-year-old travel transit after dark? Not on your life. Just a line we don’t feel comfortable crossing yet.

So if you have a vehicle and the time, yes, by all means pick your child up when it’s raining or take them to that piano class off the beaten track, or pick them up from the skating rink. But don’t always chauffeur your children everywhere. You’d be depriving them of important exposure that can help them grow up, gain a stronger sense of independence, and in the long run become a better citizen.

* First published  in the Beach Metro newspaper in December 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on December 2012  •  Permalink
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Creating a New Generation of Feminists

Empowering your children to protect their rights–and fight for the rights of others

Remember the first season of Mad Men? I want both my girls (at the right age) to see it. Not because it’s so worthwhile for them to learn about the advertising trade. Instead, I want them have some inkling of what it was like to be a career woman in the 1950s. The humiliations, the sacrifices, the unfairness—the Mad Men series gives us a peek at what it was like, though it’s safe to say that the show makes it all look more beautiful than it really was.

It’s hard for young people to grasp the importance of feminism if they don’t realize that, not too long ago, women were considered second-class citizens. Many are simply unaware of the long years of feminist activism that got women equal rights. They tend to see only the present day: women voting, getting jobs in virtually any industry, and being paid on a par with their male colleagues. They see women running for public office, making their own decisions in regard to their health and reproduction, and getting an education.

And they see women wearing pants, too. Not so outrageous, you say? Let me tell you a story. My own oma learned to ride a motorcycle in 1921when she was a young woman living in Holland. That was after her elder sister Cor quit riding motorcycles after crashing through the door of the local candy store. Anyway, Cor decided she would be content to ride as passenger with her younger sister. They even entered a motorcycle rally (a long-distance race)—and that’s when my oma met the man who would become her husband and eventually my opa.

The next year, Oma and Opa were on a little trip when a police officer flagged them over in Breda. The problem? Oma’s leather pants. Yes, she was arrested for wearing pants. But she walked away from court with a small fine, and my dad says the Second World War “certainly finished this nonsense.”

“She got arrested for what?” My daughters do not believe their ears when they hear this story. Our response tends to hilarity, but laughter belies my serious intent: I want my girls to understand the value of the freedoms they have.

Too many teens see feminism as somehow a dirty word, and certainly not something they would embrace. For them, all doors appear open: for education, for jobs, for independent travel, for lives lived outside the customary two-parent family. This is not to say that sexism doesn’t exist in our society—there’s plenty of it, actually. But the laws of Canada don’t discriminate, and our Charter of Rights and Freedoms protects women’s equality rights.  And this is all thanks to the suffragists, the feminist authors, the women’s rights activists, and, yes, the politicians who saw the light and tried to make things right.

How can we ensure that those laws hold weight, and continue to even up the playing field? The best way I know is to educate the next generation about discriminatory laws and the sexism of the past. You might try chatting with your kids over dinner about a news story, like the one about Malala Yousufzai, the brave Pakistani activist whom the Taliban shot in her school bus. She was just 14. Her crime? Advocating for the right of all girls to attend school. During your discussion, just segue to the situation in Western society. Yes, there was a time when girls did not go to school. And not many boys, either. But we changed that.

The Grade 10 History course is a great starting point, because it covers the women’s movement. But you can help at home. Watch Madmen with your older children. Or tell your younger ones those stories from their family’s past. That’s the gold. It makes the struggle for equal rights personal. It’s what will prepare them to be outraged should any politician ever try to take their equality rights away. It might even inspire them to join in the fight to bring equality rights to women around the world. You might even create…a feminist.

* First published  in the Beach Metro newspaper in October 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on October 2012  •  Permalink
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Childsong

The bone-chilling thrill of children singing in concert

A treasure lies hidden in our children’s school, a precious jewel. Yet the adults who gaze upon it are few.

I was one of the lucky ones this past June, when I attended the end-of-year student talent show at my daughter’s elementary school. The acts were swell, some outstanding. But the star act, in my humble opinion, happened when the whole student body stood and joined in song. I can’t even remember the song they sang, but it was bone-chilling. It must be something about the innocence of their voices and their collective earnestness.

What parents ever have access to that experience? We see the individual classes of youngsters singing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” (shudder) or “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” (yikes!). We might see the school choir, and they’re fabulous. Sometimes a whole gym full of parents might sing a carol while waiting for the Grade 4 play. But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the experience of witnessing the swell of 150, 300, or 500 children’s voices all raised in song together. It’s magical and overwhelming. I can tell you because I remember being part of it myself as a wee thing, and raising my voice in the school gym along with all the other students in the school to sing “Caa-naa-daa, Weeee love yooooo…” It was the 1967 Centennial Song, and it solidified my identification as a Canadian. (Ok, no cracks about my age!)

And then I remember competing in the Kiwanis Festival, in which student musical groups perform and compete. The highlight, though, was when all the students from every school, all together, stood and sang “Jesu Lord of Man’s Desiring” by J.S. Bach. Wow. Absolutely overwhelming. It’s worth it to keep the school music programs going, if only to give children that experience.

Two years ago, it hit home how much I love the sound of so many children’s voices singing together. I had the opportunity to attend a student assembly in December at a 400-student elementary school. Besides the teachers, I was probably the only adult in attendance. A pity. Those students all raised their angelic little voices together, and raised the rafters. Maybe it’s the contrast to the cacophony of noise that usually spills out from a school playground.

You can understand the difficulty a school might have in exposing this treasure to the parents. If you were to have all the parents sitting in the audience, you can’t have the whole student body standing on the stage. Even if you could squeeze them all on, the fire marshal would be sure to hear about it and haul the principal up for endangering society. No, that’s just not possible. So parents rarely, if ever, get to see, to hear, to experience those ephemeral moments.

Maybe go to the talent show. And hope they sing O Canada.

* First published  in the Beach Metro newspaper in May 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on August 2012  •  Permalink
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Spaced Out Children

The All-Too-Often Unrecognized Merits of Spacing Out Your Children

I’m sitting in a plane winging it back to Canada from Paris as I write this. And how, you might ask, was I able to take this rare romantic trip with my husband if I have a 13-year-old at home? A good question. I credit the age gap between my children. Some parents have grandparents who can step in. Others have kids who love overnight summer camp. Me? I have a responsible 21-year-old daughter!

(Side note: Before you peg me as a mean mom who leaves her children behind, let me assure you that even though the girls grumbled about not going this time, both of our daughters have been on numerous vacations with us, including a few that involve jetting across an ocean!)

But now, let me return to my point—how lucky I am to have one child old enough to look after the other while I’m away. This is just one of many benefits to having a substantial age gap between your children. Except for blended families, most parents I know have their children all at once, in the space of a few years. Young parents all seem to assume that this is the best way to do it, and many don’t look ahead to the possible benefits of spacing their children out.

My husband and I did not have our second child until the first was fully eight years old, and at the time I worried about the gap. Everyone was telling me that having your kids close in age was the right way to plan a family, and that it provides all manner of benefits, ranging from getting the diaper years over quickly to being able to plan family activities that appeal to both children. The main benefit, though—the one I heard over and over—was that youngsters the same age provide each other with a built-in playmate, which makes life easier for mom and dad, provides more fun for the kids, and might even lead to a strong life-long sibling relationship. I can certainly attest to the veracity of this last point, as I have witnessed the very strong relationship between my husband and his twin brother.

But do children need to be close in age to develop a strong bond? Surely not. I can’t imagine two children loving each other more or enjoying each other’s company more, despite my daughters’ eight-year age gap. The strength of the relationship stems from the chemistry between the two children—they’re a good match! And it seems that the age gap actually helped that relationship grow. If they had been close in age, I’m not so sure that they would have “clicked” the way they have.

The age difference helped the girls avoid becoming rivals. One had the profound experience of being witness to her sister’s birth. The other has a big sister role model to lean on when times are rough. The older one gains a sense of responsibility while the younger one has a sister to teach her how to manoevre a bicycle along a busy Kingston Road.

I could argue for spacing children out on other grounds. To begin, it allows both parents to keep working because day care is much more practical and affordable for one child at a time than for both at once. Further, payments for those big college or university bills  can be spread out over many more years. In the interim, you have the opportunity to enjoy that strong one-on-one relationship that is normally only enjoyed in single-child families. We had eight intense years with our older girl before the younger one came along, and now that the older one has more or less left the nest, the younger one will be our virtual “only child” throughout her teenage years. In the middle years, the girls had about a dozen years of intense sister-sister time, so in a way we all got the best of both worlds.

Being the parent of children so far apart in age has definitely posed challenges. On the one hand, I couldn’t take them both to dance class together, or swimming together; nor could I read them bed-time stories together. I only had two years when the two girls were at the same elementary school. And it was very tough on both of them when the older one headed out to university. On the other hand, I got to share bedtime stories with my children for many, many years. And just when those memories of holding and nurturing a beautiful, pudgy little baby were beginning to be old memories, we got to do it all over again with the second one—and what a joy it has been both times.

Families come in all shapes and sizes these days, and all can be highly workable models. Often fate will deal us a hand we did not expect, but if you are one of the lucky ones who has the opportunity to plan your family, consider the spaced out model—an option that can work beautifully for everyone involved.

* First published  in the Beach Metro newspaper in May 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on May 2012  •  Permalink
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Dropping the Break Bomb

The Pros and Cons of the Year Off from University or College

Time goes by, and that daughter of ours who had just skipped off to university was all at once in her third year. I still felt that ache there where she wasn’t, but independence was good for her. So, like so many other parents, we swallowed hard and tried to keep our sense of loss to ourselves. As our elder daughter progressed from residence life to sharing a house with friends, we thought, my, my, she’s really growing up!?

And then, just when we were starting to get used to that idea, the break bomb hit. Perhaps some of you with grown-up kids don’t know what I’m talking about. Maybe your almost grown-up children actually kept their noses to the grindstone and sailed from high school straight on through to university or college, and then on to gainful employment.

It might just be, however, that many of you do know about the break bomb. It just pops up in a conversation some time, something like this: “Oh, yeah, by the way, I should mention, I’m thinking I might just take one or two courses next term. I could work!”

Good gracious, such alarm bells went off in my head, you’d think the earth had opened. Would she be able to pay her bills? Would she go completely off the rails, and come home, destitute? Would she … gulp … not go back to school and finish her studies?

According to my now worldly wise elder daughter, I was worried for nothing. Well, I wish I’d listened. In the spring she worked as a short order cook (nothing like working in a kitchen to prepare you for the work world). Then she got herself a job as a camp counsellor (spending a GREAT summer up in Algonquin Park). Finally, for the fall, she raised enough money to spend three months bicycling through British Columbia with a travelling performance troupe with The Otesha Project. She starring in a play about sustainable living staged in schools up and down the coast.

Wow. All of this was really quite wonderful life experience, but all the time, that whole year, I worried. Not a major, badgering worry; more a recurring, nagging feeling: Would she go back?

She did. And somehow academic pursuits suit her more now. I read one of her essays last week, and … it was good. Who knew that it was the break that I dreaded that would bring her the focus she needs for her final two years of school?

I showed my daughter this column so far, and she responded in an email: “School should be a GOOD experience, you should WANT to go to class and be excited for the things you are learning. So instead of forcing myself through it, I decided to take a step back and let me see myself if I would come back to it. And let me tell you, I’ve actually really enjoyed coming back. Being away made me aware of the community of friends that I had built up.”

So if your child wants a break I suppose I’d have to say not to worry so much—that is, if he or she has a plan to be involved in some worthwhile enterprise. If that break is going to be spent in your basement rec room watching soaps and playing video games, it might not be such a productive year. If it looks inevitable that your child will take a break, encourage some planning ahead of time: Volunteer work? A paying job? Katimavik? Canada World Youth? There are so many worthy organizations where young people can dedicate some time and effort, and gain real-world experience in the process. And surely it isn’t the end of the world if they graduate one year later into this economy with so few jobs for youth anyway.

A caution: It may seem counterproductive, but I’d worry more if your child finds relatively high-paying but not particularly edifying employment like waiting tables in a cocktail lounge. You might have a harder time encouraging the return to school. It’s just that once we get used to money, it’s difficult to go back to the relative poverty of student life.

On the other hand, if your child is disciplined, and uses the money to pay for student loans, or to save to finance the next year of school, it might actually work out really well. In this economy, though, those high-paying jobs for youth are hard to come by, so you may not be faced with this particular dilemma.

In another possible scenario, your child might luck into a job that is both high-paying and inspiring. Maybe, for your child, it’s a better pathway than higher education—and what a happy story that would be.

* First published in the Beach Metro newspaper in April 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on April 2012  •  Permalink
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Finding the Right High School

The All-Important Process of Applying to High Schools and their Specialty Programs

Concerned mom (i.e., me, getting flustered): “Honey, it’s just terribly inconsistent to do it that way.”

Fed-up 13 year old (i.e., my daughter, getting impatient): “It’s my portfolio, and I’ll do it my way!”

Should she have followed my advice? Who’s to say. In any case, it was her portfolio, about her accomplishments, and her future was on the line. This explains both my concern that the thing should be perfect, as well as her legitimate right to tell me to butt out.

She made the portfolio in preparation for an interview for a high school specialty program. Here’s the news to those of you who have not overseen a child taking the step to high school: it ain’t a cakewalk. The guidance department advises that students apply to at least three high schools. And then there are the specialty programs. I’m telling you, don’t be a deer in the headlights when the deadlines loom. Roll up your sleeves and get involved to help your child navigate the waters of applying to high school. Though this adventure might be but a shadow of the university application process, it’s still quite complex and requires a whole boatload of persistence.

First, you have to check out the schools. There are multiple specialty schools, from arts to Afro-centric, and specialty programs as well, such as International Baccalaureate. When my elder daughter was applying, we went to information evenings at four or five different high schools. Yikes! Here’s a hint: spread the pain around by going to the information evenings for some of the possibilities in your child’s Grade 7 year.

Some of these info nights are deadly boring, but you have to go to them just to get your bearings, and to get the papers you’ll need to apply. A minority of the evenings are actually pretty interesting—current students might perform a musical piece or a skit, and the administrators might have a slide show to help you get a feel for school life. What I particularly like is when a current student tells about their experience at the high school.

What you don’t hear at the information nights are the school’s weak points. Does its student population compare poorly academically? Does the school have a gang problem? Does it have mouldy classrooms? Low school spirit? How do you find the answers to these sorts of questions?

This is where your contacts within the parent community can do you service. Just think of the teenagers who are a few years older than your own child—the girl next door or a former babysitter, perhaps. Give his or her parents a ring or corner them at the supermarket. Finding out about a school’s strong and weak points from the perspective of the parent of a current or former student can help you and your child make a more informed decision.

The guidance counselor can be incredibly helpful, too, especially in getting your child informed about the process. You can call the counsellors directly. Most elementary schools do not have a full-time guidance counselor, but they’ll respond to messages quite readily.

If your child would like to apply to a few specialty programs, find out the requirements and deadlines well ahead of time. In some cases students must produce a portfolio, attend an interview, or perform (for an art school). And some programs still request letters of reference. Thank goodness this requirement is beginning to be discouraged—the collection of such letters is onerous on students, parents, and the instructors being asked for the letters. Besides, I’m not sure they’re really worth all that much—won’t they all say wonderful things?

Here’s a final tidbit of advice: make sure, in the early fall of Grade 8, that your child is doing well in class. If there are teacher-student conflicts, or any other issues that might threaten your child’s grades, get the problem fixed pronto. Why is this important? The teachers who select students for specialty programs will be looking at the fall interim report cards. A bad report card can prevent your child from getting into the specialty program. Your child cannot get better marks in the spring or next year and then apply again – this is a one-shot deal. Thus, the Grade 8 fall report card can have ramifications that affect your child’s whole high school education. So stay on top of that one!

* First published in the Beach Metro newspaper in February 2012.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on February 2012  •  Permalink
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https://schoolscribblings.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/finding-the-right-high-school/

Boobies in School?

The Principal’s Conundrum: The Boobies-Bracelets Debate

Imagine, for a moment, a student walking down the school hallway with a T-shirt on that says, “Teachers are blankety blanks!” He or she would be sent down to the office and probably home faster than you can say “repugnant.” And that is as it should be.

Principals have the power to control what messages are displayed in school, to some degree, at any rate. No one student should be able to advertise views that offend other students or teachers. The criteria of offensiveness holds more weight in schools because they are closed environments—all students must attend school, by law; they cannot simply walk away. A school is a community with standards of behavior for its members. Consequently, freedom of speech is curtailed more in the school environment than it is in society at large.

The example above is pretty cut and dry. Any message that is clearly racist, homophobic, sexist or personally insulting is easily spotted and easy to be definitive about.

Not all issues of appropriateness in schools are quite so easy to peg down. Take a recent example: in schools all over North America, including my younger daughter’s school, students are showing up wearing bracelets that say “I Love Boobies!” (You can imagine the face of a teacher who sees that the first time.)

The bracelets are sold by an American organization called Keeping Abreast (double entendre intended). It was founded by breast cancer survivors who want to raise breast cancer awareness among youth. It seems like a pretty authentic, well-intentioned organization. Among other fundraising ventures, they sell the bracelets to raise money, which they pass along to worthy breast cancer-related causes.

But why are preteen boys and girls buying these bracelets? Hmm. I would warrant that the goal might not be just to spread awareness about a disease. Some mischief-makers might like the idea of making their friends laugh at the audacity of wearing a word that most of them cannot say without turning red in the face.

“Boobies” is a word that just makes you want to laugh—it’s a silly word. So the bracelets make the boys who wear them giggle. We’re talking pre-pubescent boys, here, not almost grown-up teens. They’re sweetly thrilled at their brush with naughtiness.

Okay, so the boys might have complicating reasons for buying and wearing the bracelets. Whatever their motives, however, I think that the bracelets actually serve their intended purpose—every single girl or boy who wears one of these bracelets is more aware that breast cancer exists and is a threat, and can be less fatal if caught early. How many 11 year olds do you know that are aware of breast cancer? If these bracelets increase that number, is it a bad thing?

The challenge for a principal, therefore, is complicated. When it comes to freedom of speech, the school shouldn’t ban the bracelets based on criteria such as the purpose of the originating organization, the value of the bracelets in raising awareness of a disease, or their comic value. These things don’t really count if a publicly displayed message is actually offending people. It’s only the offensiveness factor that really counts.

So, is the phrase “I Love Boobies!” offensive? Does it offend you? Personally, I do not find it offensive. And I think a lot of the boys and girls wearing these bracelets do feel seriously that they are supporting a worthy cause. But a preteen girl who is a little more physically developed than her classmates may indeed feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. So too might a female teacher, especially if she suspects the gleeful laughter might be eroding respect for her as a teacher. This is indeed a difficult issue, and I wish the best to the principals having to make the decisions on this one.

* First published as “Do ‘Boobies’ have a Place in Schools?” in the Beach Metro newspaper in November 2011.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on November 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by marnigirl on November 2011

https://schoolscribblings.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/boobies-in-school/

Coolest Place on Earth

When Extracurricular Means Extra Wonderful

Perhaps mid-summer you paused outside Bellefair United Church on your Saturday morning stroll along Queen. What was missing? Oh, yeah, that artsy sign welcoming campers to “the coolest place on Earth”: Theatricks.

Do not be disheartened: Theatricks, the theatre company for kids, has not met its demise; indeed it is now thriving at an even better location at St. Aidan’s Church, at Queen and Silver Birch.

Even if you don’t have kids, you should be happy to have this operation in the neighbourhood. If good karma were cookies, Theatricks would have bags’ full. There are so many good vibes happenin’ at this place, that they must reverberate all through the neighbourhood.

Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the bad analogies. Here’s the straight goods: Theatricks Co. 4 Kids is a tremendous privately run theatre school offering theatre camp in the summer and extracurricular theatre classes in the winter.  If you are in any doubt, yes, it has my stamp of approval. (But don’t even think about getting your kids involved. That would only make it harder for me to get my own daughter into the few coveted spaces. Kidding!)

What’s the summer camp all about? To start, they play games that teach theatre techniques. “Interview,” for example, helps the development of improv skills. A favourite game is Slo-Mo Wizards, which demands great control over movement.

Even break time is fun. When asked why, my daughter says, “Well, for starters, the counsellors actually play with us.” There is a ping pong table and art table set up for use during breaks. The ongoing foosball tournament pits mixed camper-counsellor teams against each other. The stereo is always playing for dancing. And they actually do dance. Once a day, the campers can sit back as the counsellors and leaders in training ham it up in a pretend game of survivor. And that’s just the break.

Each camp session of two weeks works toward a goal: THE PLAY. Theatricks plays always seem to follow the same line. There are these big bad guys who try to take over the world. Then there are these good guys who make a mess of it for a while but finally get their act together and save the world. It’s a model that works, as it allows for plenty of roles for deliciously awful bad guys, courageous underdogs, daft sidekicks, cute and sassy pipsqueaks, and a bunch of hapless heroes who come through in the end.

Here’s the best of it, though. The kids make the whole thing up. They develop the storyline, compose and memorize their lines, make their costumes, create the set, and learn a hip hop dance, too. If you want kids to learn and practice the fundamentals of theatrical performance, this is the place to be.

And the resulting performance? It’s an EVENT. Every single camper has a role. They are all stars. And an interesting twist is that the counsellors—who have had years of Theatricks training—get right on stage with the kids. They are very good and very funny. Maybe the funniest of all are the Theatricks directors, Jeff and Cathie. My goodness, either one of those two could simply walk on stage, peer at the audience and, raise an eyebrow, and we’re all laughing uproariously. This is all very inspiring for the young actor/campers—it’s fun to be part of something so alive and energetic and … successful.

As the flyers say, Theatricks is “the coolest place on Earth.” I’d hazard a guess that they’re right. A big part of what makes it so cool are the counsellors in the troupe, who are mostly local boys and girls (oops, young men and women) who come home from university for a Theatricks summer job. As far back as I can remember, the same youngsters have always been there, starting out as young campers, but getting taller, more confident, and funnier every year (more responsible, too, I’m sure). These home-grown counsellors have a comfort level with the routines, teaching techniques, and all-around zaniness of Theatricks. (The directors even make it a condition of employment that you have to have been a camper before you can become a Theatricks counsellor.)

I am so pleased that my daughter can be coached and guided by counsellors who work hard, are responsible, and—best of all–can be silly. In other words, good role models. But it’s perhaps a little bit special that so many of them are young men who
can do all that and be cool, too. Perhaps you’ve noticed the sorry lack of male teachers in elementary schools? And have you taken note of the examples of male coolness in the media lately? Good grief, how is a young person to learn that it’s possible to be cool without packing a gun or at least a snarl?

Every play concludes with a grand celebration: the kids are dancing and the music is playing, and then all the camper/actors run along a line-up of their counsellors (now friends), high-fiving their way off stage. It’s one of the most exhilarating conclusions to a summer camp I’ve ever seen.

Don’t forget, Theatricks offers evening and Saturday classes all winter.

Theatricks does not have a website. I guess they’re old fashioned. The best way to stay connected is to email Jeff and Cathie, and ask to get on their mailing list. Here’s the address: theatricks@sympatico.ca.

* First published as “Where’s the coolest place on earth?” in the Beach Metro newspaper in October 2011.

Margaret Hoogeveen is a writer and editor living in Toronto, Canada. With her husband, she parents two daughters.

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by marnigirl on October 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by marnigirl on October 2011

https://schoolscribblings.wordpress.com/2011/10/04/coolest-place-on-earth/

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